I am not going to lie, when I first heard about blue belt blues I was unconvinced to say the least. I thought it was just an excuse people used to be a quitter. That there was no way some belt had the magic to make you want to give up.
The longer I trained the more I saw it. People getting their blue belts and then they stopped showing up. I started to think maybe this really was a thing. I still thought I'd be immune. I don't consider myself to have a huge ego. I am by far the smallest person at our gym and have been pretty much my entire Jiu Jitsu life. I am used to being crushed on a regular basis. I had to be immune. I was in love with Jiu Jitsu, nothing could ever change that.
In September of 2017 Brent strapped my blue belt on with the approval of his professor. In February of 2018 I did my first blue belt tournament, I went up 2 weight classes and up to expert in an attempt to get more matches. I ended up getting my elbow pretty injured. It was around that time I lost my fire. I lost my fight. Its hard to be in love with a combat sport without having any fight inside of you. I think part of it was that I was injured and could no longer fight how I felt I needed to in order to wear the blue belt proudly. Part of it was probably just life. I realized I didn't need Jiu Jitsu anymore, it wasn't what my life revolved around anymore.
Now to say I don't need it doesn't mean I don't want it. I wanted Jiu Jitsu Kayla back. I needed to be a fighter still, its part of who I am. It took about 6 months to start to get that fire back. I had to make myself go to class. I had to force myself to be motivated, to pay attention. At one point I just had to tell myself "You will fight" before every single match. It wasn't that I had to fight to the death, but more so I could not just sit there and concede everything anymore. The more I made myself "try" the easier it became. The ego didn't flare up when I lost. I have accepted that injuries will occur. We can't always fight at 100 percent of our physical capabilities but we can always give 100 percent of our heart. That is where the winning is.
If you have lost your fight, don't give up.If the blue belt blues have found you there is hope. Find a day or two each week where you make an appointment with yourself to go to class. Go even on the days you don't want to. Go and try your hardest. Its okay if your hardest still doesn't win, but make yourself try. Go there and enjoy your Jiu Jitsu family. One day that fire will come back and you'll be glad you didn't miss a year or more of training because you let yourself give into those doubts, those fears, demons. My advice to anyone going through this is to not give up. If this is something you want you have to fight for it. You have to work for it. This is where dedication and perseverance comes in. We only fail if we stop trying.
I know everyone handles things differently, if you have any advice to fellow blue belts drop it in a comment <3 !
Hope to see you on the mats one day !!
P.S Its Okay If You Are Just A Blue Belt ;) !! Get Yours HERE and Represent !